Hello world, long time no see. I could give you a thousand reasons that I haven’t been writing you but non of them would be acceptable excuses. I’ve just been slacking as of late. I’ve been letting my stress and preoccupation with the shit storm that is “my life” distract me from one of the most therapeutic activities that I know of. But not today, I got the Pandora going (currently listening to Michael Jackson’s “Wanna Be Starting Something”….you’re a vegetable!) and I’m just letting the thoughts flow.
You ever feel like you need to slow the fuck down and your life is speeding down a course that isn’t necessarily bad but if you took a minute to stop and think, that you would possibly steer in a slightly different course? That’s how I’m feeling lately. Usually I like to have a plan, I like to know what I am doing or the direction I am heading. As of late I haven’t been feeling like that all. It feels like instead of taking action that I am constantly reacting. That I’m fielding whatever is thrown my way and just going. I haven’t had time to just sit and think. What’s interesting about feeling this way is that as I am looking back to how I got to this point I notice that it was a gradual progression. That as time has past I’ve been slowly resting my foot harder and harder on the gas pedal of life.
I think the biggest problem that I have with feeling like this is that things have been coming so fast that I haven’t had the chance to think. I love the feeling of processing things that happen. The idea of dissecting a situation and all of its subtle intricacies (motivation, reasoning, cause and effect) is something that I find comfort in. The ability to do that always makes me feel like I can’t be stopped or lose because I can anticipate things, so if something gets way out of control I am not surprised. It helps me adapt and adjust to anything. As of late I haven’t been able to do that. It’s throwing me off because like I stated earlier, it feel like I am reacting to life instead of acting or being prepared. I think that reacting to life is not my strongest attribute (yes I can admit fault…gasp!) When I react I make a split decision…I haven’t had a chance to study all the variables, possible outcomes, or I tend to make very uninformed split decisions. When this happens shit tends to blow up in my face. Nothing at this point seems to have blown up…yet (someone grab me some wood….PAUSE!)
All of this speeding through life I’ve been doing has left our brave hero here…tired, stressed, not as funny as I usually tend to be, and off of my game. I haven’t been inspired to do anything of note. I haven’t written a blog in a few weeks (I can’t even do my nightly journaling), I don’t feel motivated at work (as if I ever do…ha!), I haven’t been focused enough to read something as simple as a comic book, and I hate to admit this but….I found a gray hair (argh!). The answer to all of this seems simple. Slam on the breaks and slow down. Easier said than done. What happens when you are in you car and you slam your breaks….everything starts flying everywhere. I don’t feel like dealing with everything “flying everywhere”…for the lack of a better term. But I am determined to slowly ease on the breaks and gradually start slowing my black ass down. Because I am on a crash course with real life….
Well thanks world for listening. I apologize here, that my thoughts are a bit scattered and this blog didn’t really flow as well as I would have liked. Trying to get the rust off and become the well oiled blogging machine that I know I am.
Until Next Time.
imdoperthanyou
Imdoperthanyou's Blog 
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