My JEOPARDY Is DOPER Than Yours!

Salutations. Greetings. What it do? Hello. So I am here at work with little to nothing to do and well I decided that it was a good time as any to dust off the keyboard and share with you my thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams…(okay it’s really not that serious). I was bored and read a fellow bloggers blog and wanted to write to pass the time. Being the case that I have a lot I could talk about and really don’t have the patience to get into any one topic I decided to go the “Blind Item” route…but as I thought about that I thought that was boring so I am going to try something a bit different (so bear with me). I hope today finds you all well (and dry). As always, I have to give the disclaimer: These are MY words and thoughts….I (fucking) swear a lot, I tend to have (outlandish) thoughts or views that some (okay…most) don’t agree with, but I don’t ever mean to outright offend anyone. With that being said…you don’t like my shit…feel free to hit Alt+F4.

::Wonders how many of you hit “Alt+F4”::

“Welcome to another edition of “imDOPERthanyou Jeopardy” Each Blind Item item provided today will be brought to you in the form of an answer. To score points you will have to provide the proper question that fits with the answer to score points. I will be your host today, Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers.”

Contestant Number 1: “I would like to take “Things That Bore Brett” for $300.

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “Sweet baby Jesus! Showing up here has been a complete bore!!! I find that I am spending way more time finding ways to be unproductive here than actually being productive. I know I shouldn’t complain because there are thousands of people who are desperate to be in my position. I think my frustration here in is that I am not being challenged or pushed. I am damn good at my job and I am a fair supervisor but I am bored because I can do this in my sleep. Also office politics have been something that I try to avoid (like questionable pieces of pizza in the break room) but they are making themselves extremely prevalent in my day to day work life. This also has contributed to my boredom and lack of fire or spark to perform as  well as I could (or more specifically should).”

Contestant Number 3: “How Is Work Going”?

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “That is correct! Next category…”

Contestant Number 3: “Can I get ‘Things Brett Could Care Less About This Year’ for, $200”

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “Maybe it’s something about the off field shenanigans this year that have really but a damper on me this year. Whether it is the Ray Rice scandal or the Adrian Peterson “Grab the Switch-gate” or the fact that both the Niners and the Raiders have been and look to be questionable to terrible this year or I forgot to do my Fantasy Draft this year…I just haven’t had the normal fervor or excitement for the game so far this season. I’ve been watching most of the games (thank you God for the NFL Red Zone) I do realize we are only in Week 4…I just can’t seem to get into the spirit. One would think that after a long summer of (forgetting) LeBron losing in the Finals that I would be salivating at the mouth for some sport to watch…hmmm…we shall see.”

Contestant Number 2: “What is the 2014-2015 NFL Season?”

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “That is correct! Next category…”

Contestant Number 2: “Things Brett Finds Perplexing for $600…”

(Daily Double Sound)

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “That’s a DAILY DOUBLE! How much will you wager?”

Constestant Number 2: “ALL OF IT, BRETT!”

“Believe it or not…and despite as much as I talk…I am an extremely guarded person when it comes to my inner thoughts and feelings. I can laugh, joke, be cool, be engaging and work a crowd…but if ever to ask how I feel about something of value and importance I freeze up. That has been a behavior of mine since being a kid and has only been exacerbated over time with various disappointments and points of vulnerability. I recently expressed how I felt about a situation to a friend and all I got back was the blankest stare in the HISTORY of blank stares. God I was embarrassed as FUCK. So to cover up my embarrassment I just tried to quickly change the subject, which didn’t work at all. Afterwards in thinking about it, I got salty for a minute about it….like I really opened up and you just stared at me!?!?! HA! Then I had to take a step back and realize that just because I open up to someone doesn’t mean that my thoughts or feelings or my ability to display or articulate them hold any extra value because that is an area I lack in. I dunno…it bugged me and then I got over it….lessoned learned.”

Contestant Number 2: Is it “Why Am I Being a Sniveling Bitch?”

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “I’m sorry, that is not correct.”

Contestant Number 1: “Why Do I Even Open My Muthafuckin’ Mouth?”

Brett “Muthafuckin” Bowers: “That is correct!!! Well we will be taking our first commercial break…please stay tuned.”

TO BE CONTINUED.

-imDOPERthanyou

Off The Wall.

Can I get a “Woo Hoo”?

I’m 31 and made it on “National Assholes” list of ‘Who’s Who’.

Yeah I got a couple of screws loose

Type of prick to buy you kicks just to scuff up your new shoes

Then sniff on some “Yoo-Hoo” and sip a tubed glue

Make a sex tape with Miley Cyrus and try to sell it to YouTube

I’m tryin’ to redefine the word jerk

And hope this shit is making your nerves irk

Worse than trying to find my middle name in a word search

Team 91KiX tell me that I gots to quit

But I ain’t stoppin’ it

‘Cause I been poppin’ shit since the first time Biggie heard “2Pacalypse”

But how sick is this?

Conflict get my dick harder than arithmetic….

Told you dip shits I’m the wrong person to nit pick

Got a quick wit that spits slick

With vocabulary from a dictionary that’s THIS thick

So I got no problem then,

bombin’ your mom an’ them with homonyms

I been up for a week I don’t remember what drugs I’m on again

(Sike!)

I’m on a roll like a stick of butter that’s popped two pills

I’ve struck a nerve with you nerds like having a tooth drilled

Completely absurd with my words but how would you feel

Walking in your ex-wife with a dyke word to Dru Hill

Now only a few know if that’s a true story…

Either way, here is what you can do for me

Tell that bitch I left her at 125, what in the fuck would make her think I want her back at two-forty?

I just made fun of the fact that her ass is fat

And anybody else on my shit list is under mass-ive attack

“Damn B, why you so mean in fact?”

‘Cause my sixteens are like fiends on codeine and crack

I mean Mr. Bean couldn’t even clean up my act.

I’m getting tired of you pussies, I’mma let my penis rap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Simple Rules

“Stop with that childish shit, nigga I’m grown. Please leave it alone, don’t throw rocks at the throne.” -Hova

I’m back bitches! Did you miss me? I hope you did world because I have missed you dearly. I’ve been on hiatus from blogging due to many reasons but due to popular demand (okay just really my friends Maria and Malia asked me why haven’t I been blogging) I have decided to dust off the old keyboard and get this shit crackin’. I feel like before I continue I (as always!) need to place a disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone. You are not going to agree with everything I say, shit you may not agree with anything I say. This is just a platform to share with the world my thoughts views and opinions. So please when reading always keep that in mind. My purpose for this is to create conversation or dialogue about the things that I see in my world. I’m like the Rush Limbaugh of blogging, (except extremely more left of the fence and a hell of a lot better looking!) I say things that will get under your skin and I am dead serious when I say/write them.

With that being said let’s tackle today’s blog, shall we? I would say that one of the most influential individuals in my life would be my mother. For those of you who don’t know my mother; she is the most strong-willed, stubborn, wisest and principal driven person I know (see the family resemblance…ha!). Growing up she taught me some of the most valuable lessons that I have kept dear to my heart for years. The first was, “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!” The second was, “If you are not willing to repeat it, don’t say it.” , and the last was “If you have an issue with someone, address it with them face to face.” Three very simple lessons that I assumed that everyone at one point in life was taught…but as I got older I realize that not everybody’s mom was like my mom.

When I was younger I USED to have a severe temper problem (some would debate that I STILL have a severe temper problem). Temper tantrums, acting out, fighting, crying….if I lost it, then all hell would break loose. I had no self-control when it came to my anger plus I had an extremely short fuse…imagine if Bruce Banner was a prepubescent black kid hopped up on Flaming Hot Cheetos and Coca-Cola (Bruce Banner is the Incredible Hulk for those of you who don’t know….mild manner guy who turns into a giant green monster…nevermind, watch the movie…but I digress). Besides , I had a mouth on me. I would talk THE MOST shit ever to any and everybody. If I had something to say I would say it, if I felt my opinion needed to be heard I would express it (kinda like now). There was a small issue though, for as mouthy as I was, I was the most sensitive kid on the block!!! You see I grew up with kids who were older and bigger than myself,which often made me the recipient of lots teasing. Being the proactive negro that I am, I would talk shit before having shit talked to me because somehow I thought that would PREVENT me from being talked about (boy was I wrong!). I remember clearly being in our church parking lot and I was popping off at the mouth to two of my older friends and I don’t know what I said but whatever it was set them off and they WENT IN on me…I just remembered feeling like my world was crushed. I ran sobbing to my Mom barely able to speak between loud and obnoxious crying noises. I explained to my Mom what had happened, thinking she was going to be the hand of God and smite anybody who had made her eldest boy cry (wrong again!) My Mom looked me square in the eyes and very sternly told me that I better not ever come crying to her again about people teasing me when I was the one instigating the teasing. I remember it like it was yesterday. “Dont dish it out if you can’t take it.”

I remember clearly the day I found out someone had told one of my siblings that my Mom was going to hell because she stopped attending our church (ahhh, you Christians kill me with you hypocritical judgment…that’s for another blog…Dad, hide!) My Mom showed up the very next Sunday to address the individual who said this about her to one of her kids. Moms was heated but handled the matter swiftly and decisively. I remember the individual in question stuttering over their statement, trying to convince my mother that A) The statement was never made and B) that the statement if made was taken out of context (pussy!). My mom handled the issue but when in the car the next day my Mom explained to me the value of sticking by what you say. The importance and value of one’s words was a lesson that I learned that day in watching that little fiasco go down. “If you aren’t willing to repeat it, don’t say it.”

This next story is a funny one. In high school I used to date one of my dearest friends to this day (Hi, Malia!). It was Junior year and things were looking great. I starting on the varsity basketball team, I had a girl, my grades were good. Life was smooth…until this guy named Nate Harder came into the picture (sidenote: I am also STILL friends with this Nate guy) Nate was the All-American, blonde hair blue-eyed white-devil Louis Farrakhan warns Nation of Islam about, plus he had a nice jump shit (typical of a white-boy, huh?) Anyways long story short, he “steals” my girl from me. The 17-year-old boy with a temper problem was hot about this. But I didn’t know what to do. So naturally I seek guidance from…shit, I don’t even remember who I called, anyways…whoever it was, I was talking with them on the phone. I am going off about Nate, “Muthafuckin’ this…”, “I hate him that…”, “I’ll beat his ass!” (Insert whatever tough guy talk you feel is applicable, I probably said it…) All the while my Mother is overhearing all of this (which is funny because we were not allowed to swear in our house). After I get off the phone, my Mom says “Wow, you really feel a certain way about this Nate.” My response was, “Damn right I do!” (Remember I just said I was not allowed to swear in our house…I OBVIOUSLY didn’t REALLY respond that way.) My mom asks me, “Well have you talked to him about it?” Of course she knew I hadn’t so she doesn’t even give me a chance to answer. She goes on to further teach my the valuable lesson of: “If you have an issue with someone, address it with them face to face.”

Now, I didn’t just tell you these little anecdotes for the hell of it world, there is rhyme and reason for these stories (Just setting up a background for the ‘meat and potatoes’ of this post) So, as I’ve stated twice before I USED to have a temper problem. I mean I still have a temper but as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully wiser) I’ve learned to keep my anger in check. Don’t get me wrong I have my moments but for the most part I’m a hell of a lot better than I used to be….BUT I will say that recently I’ve been dealing with some bullshit that is bringing me to the point of “Hulking Out” (Incredible Hulk reference…really if you have no idea what I’m talking about hit Alt+F4 right now!)

(Welcome back to the idiot who actually hit Alt+F4)

So recently I’ve been dealing with a group of grown ass men who walk around like anything I say or do causes pain to their vagina’s (sidenote: Rite-Aid has a sale on Vagisil this week….I kid) Normally I enjoy the unadulterated attention of a hater but these assholes seem to giving me more attention then I’m comfortable getting (which must be a lot because anybody who knows me, knows Brett to attention are like slutty white girls with Daddy issues on Spring Break to tequila shots). You see with these grown ass men in question, I assumed that they follow the same value and moral codes that I was instilled with (which was wrong of me to assume) but they don’t. You see these individuals constantly are breaking the three lessons I explained earlier on. You see it started when one out of the group decided he wanted to go at a game of witty insults with me. Which is kinda stupid because homeboy is not at all witty and his command of the English language is um….limited, at best. Over my many travels I have learned to snap with the best of them…whether it be with my brothers, my friends, complete strangers, shit even my mom. The art of snapping, capping, clowning (whatever you want to call it) I’m good at. See it started off in good fun until someone caught feelings over something that I said (which for the record was a well-known fact…okay not well known…but I found out). The statement in question was one about this individuals “undercover” sexual preferences. Now this individual who started the teasing, got upset and it kinda really got the ball rolling. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”

So after that incident I clearly saw that this individual was A) Not of the same moral fiber as I (translation: a bitch) and B) a bit sensitive (translation: has an achy vagina) To smooth things over and be the bigger person, I actually apologized to ol’ boy and did (what I thought) was moving. But NOOOOOO, not the case. Homeboy runs back to his stooges and thus began the “Brett Called Me Out On Being A Closet Fag So Now I Am Gonna Make Everyone Hate Him” Campaign. Which I actually thought was a clever name for their campaign. So I would hear tid bits here and there about what The Golden Girls had to say about me. Like my hero and idol Jay-Z said, “I don’t respect it unless it’s directed directly at me…” I was able to keep a Zen like peace about myself for a while until it reached a breaking point. So several individuals approached me stating “Yo, The Bad Girls Club has said A, B, C & D about you.” I thought about it for a while because enough is enough…So I decided to approach all members of The Spice Girls about what was said. Not one but all of those menstruating assholes denied and back peddled on their statements. “Oh I didn’t mean it like that…” “I didn’t say that…” “Oh, I must’ve been drunk.” Again like my Mom said, “If you are not willing to repeat it, don’t say it.”

So after that incident Jem and The Holograms kinda laid low…the initial “Shock and Awe” portion of the campaign had died down. So silly me, I am thinking that there is an uneasy truce of some sort…wrong again (see my faith in people is completely naive) So after much deliberation The Powder Puff Girls resort to lying about things I have said or done. Which is hilarious because they know they I would approach each and every one of those cock suckers about anything. Well whatever, they decide that this tactic will work. So after several incidents of grossly inappropriate lying I finally had enough. So I approached the original member Destiny’s Child and asked him as a man, no sort of malice or anger in my voice, ‘What’s your problem with me?” I went on to explain to Michelle (I wont give him credit of being anywhere near as comparable to Beyoncé) that I had done nothing to him, that I had extended olive branch after olive branch out to him in hopes of having a coexistence. He proceeds to start popping that slick shit and it almost came to blows but it didn’t. Even after I approached him, this faggot (sorry to any gay readers) runs back to his Girl Scout Troop popping shit AGAIN! Now I followed the “If you have an issue with someone, address it with them face to face.” But this shit is getting out of hand. So as I write this, I have not come to any closer conclusion of how to handle this situation other than sword duel to the death…which I don’t think will happen. (I watched Highlander this weekend…sorry).

Well ladies and gents, that is all I have for today. Thanks for taking a small portion out of your day to read my thoughts and opinions. Fell free to comment, give any feed back (good or bad).

Have Fun and Be Safe-

imDOPERthanyou

Talladega Nights…The Legend of Ricy Bobby

Hello world, long time no see. I could give you a thousand reasons that I haven’t been writing you but non of them would be acceptable excuses. I’ve just been slacking as of late. I’ve been letting my stress and preoccupation with the shit storm that is “my life” distract me from one of the most therapeutic activities that I know of. But not today, I got the Pandora going (currently listening to Michael Jackson’s “Wanna Be Starting Something”….you’re a vegetable!) and I’m just letting the thoughts flow.

You ever feel like you need to slow the fuck down and your life is speeding down a course that isn’t necessarily bad but if you took a minute to stop and think, that you would possibly steer in a slightly different course? That’s how I’m feeling lately. Usually I like to have a plan, I like to know what I am doing or the direction I am heading. As of late I haven’t been feeling like that all. It feels like instead of taking action that I am constantly reacting. That I’m fielding whatever is thrown my way and just going. I haven’t had time to just sit and think. What’s interesting about feeling this way is that as I am looking back to how I got to this point I notice that it was a gradual progression. That as time has past I’ve been slowly resting my foot harder and harder on the gas pedal of life.

I think the biggest problem that I have with feeling like this is that things have been coming so fast that I haven’t had the chance to think. I love the feeling of processing things that happen. The idea of dissecting a situation and all of its subtle intricacies (motivation, reasoning, cause and effect) is something that I find comfort in. The ability to do that always makes me feel like I can’t be stopped or lose because I can anticipate things, so if something gets way out of control I am not surprised. It helps me adapt and adjust to anything. As of late I haven’t been able to do that. It’s throwing me off because like I stated earlier, it feel like I am reacting to life instead of acting or being prepared. I think that reacting to life is not my strongest attribute (yes I can admit fault…gasp!) When I react I make a split decision…I haven’t had a chance to study all the variables, possible outcomes, or I tend to make very uninformed split decisions. When this happens shit tends to blow up in my face. Nothing at this point seems to have blown up…yet (someone grab me some wood….PAUSE!)

All of this speeding through life I’ve been doing has left our brave hero here…tired, stressed, not as funny as I usually tend to be, and off of my game. I haven’t been inspired to do anything of note. I haven’t written a blog in a few weeks (I can’t even do my nightly journaling), I don’t feel motivated at work (as if I ever do…ha!), I haven’t been focused enough to read something as simple as a comic book, and I hate to admit this but….I found a gray hair (argh!). The answer to all of this seems simple. Slam on the breaks and slow down. Easier said than done. What happens when you are in you car and you slam your breaks….everything starts flying everywhere. I don’t feel like dealing with everything “flying everywhere”…for the lack of a better term. But I am determined to slowly ease on the breaks and gradually start slowing my black ass down. Because I am on a crash course with real life….

Well thanks world for listening. I apologize here, that my thoughts are a bit scattered and this blog didn’t really flow as well as I would have liked. Trying to get the rust off and become the well oiled blogging machine that I know I am.

Until Next Time.

imdoperthanyou

Stop, Collaborate and Listen

Hello world, its been a few. I’m reporting live from my local Starbucks via my Blackberry Tour (which I HATE!) As I stated previously, its been a while since I have posted anything. To be completely honest I’ve had the worst case of writers block that I’ve had in months. I don’t know whether or not it because I haven’t felt inspired to write, I’m stressed, or just been busy. I would venture to say its a mixture of all three of those ingredients. Even still I feel I do my best writing when I am experiencing any one of those symptoms…hmm…moving on.

As I’m sitting here enjoying my chai tea (I’m not a coffee drinker) I can’t help but think I’ve received a lot of advise the past week and a half. I don’t think I asked for any it but it was given. Most of it was sound but I doubt I will use it. Some of it was ridiculous and well…I MIGHT consider it. (Nah!) It kind of got me thinking…why when friends come to us with problems/issues/concerns do we feel the need to have an answer and give advise?

In my specific situations I simply was wanting someone to listen but instead of that I was bombarded with, “This is what I would do…”, “You should…”, or my favorite “If I were you…” My thought process at that point was, “Nobody asked you.”. Why is it we are so quick to speak and slow to listen. Or feels the complete need to give our opnion? I don’t know. It’s a funny dynamic to me. I too have been guilty of doing the same thing.

I don’t know, I don’t have much more to say about it at the moment (plus my fingers are cramping up on this small ass keyboard)

Be you.

Imdoperthanyou

Just A Little List…

One of my favorite subjects to talk about is hip-hop. I love the culture, I love the music…I love it. I could spend hours and hours arguing, debating, dissecting it all day. Recently my boy at work said to me, “B-Rett, you like that REAL hip-hop shit…not that gangsta shit Wayne be spittin’…” My response is “And?” I constantly am arguing the merits and value that Lil Wayne brings to hip-hop. But this blog isn’t about Wayne. I have neither the time, effort or energy to get into that one right now. Maybe one day….

But for right now I would like to give you a list of my favorite MC’s. For the sake of fairness I am not going to rank them in any particular order AND I’m going to leave Biggie and Pac (R.I.P.) out of the list but I will tell you who I think is the better of the two. In this list I will also include songs or verses that I feel justify why these people make my list.

So before I get into this list I just want to give the disclaier that this list is just my opinion (that I will be sticking by) but please dont feel that my say is the end all, be all voice of reason. On that note, “Let’s get to the proceedings, proceedin’ this evenin’…” (5 points to whoever can tell me who said that)

Andre 3000- There are very few times where I feel like I was ahead of the curve when it comes to singing somebody’s praises but I have been preaching the word of Andre 3000 for years. I kinda feel like it’s “cool” for people to but him on a Top list now. He is so smart with his lyrics and is so comfortable with who he is when he raps. He doesn’t compromise himself and his metaphors are dope. A lot of people sleep on Outkast in general but “3 Stacks” as he goes by is pure genius in my opinion.

Joe Budden- He is on my Top 5 list because he is hands down the most underrated rapper alive. Surprisingly very few people have heard of Joe Budden and the few people who do have some sort of grasp of who he is only know of him through that “Pump It Up” song. He only has one official album release but his mixtape body of work is second to none. If you have an opportunity you need to listen to all three installments of Mood Muzik. Homeboy’s punch lines and metaphors are on point. Now normally I don’t really co-sign when people hop on the “I Have a Problem with Jay-Z” bandwagon but this was dope:

Jadakiss- Dude is just nice. His delivery is so smooth and the raspy voice is just ill to me. His punch lines always tend to be very clever. Though I don’t think that he gets the credit he deserves. My man puts in work. To make my point I give you Jada’s verse from Nas’ “Made You Look”:

Black Thought (from The Roots): So whenever people think about The Roots everybody always think about ?uestlove (the drummer with the ‘fro) but the guy who actually raps puts in work, Pure MC, not flashy, not gonna shoot you, not slangin; rock on the corner, Just spittin’ “real hip-hop” as my boy BJ would say. If you need proof of my man’s lyrical prowess, I present to you “Thought @ Work”…then tell me he’s more than the guy in the band on the Jummy Fallon Show:

Redman- Reggie Noble, also known as Redman is one of my favorite MC’s of all time. He’s grimey, he can rap his ass off, he’s funny and he’s a little off but talented as hell. Most remember him from either his classic MTV Cribs episode (wow!) or the stoner classic movie “How High”. Here’s one of the reasons I am putting him on my list:

Nas- Yup, as an avid Jay-Z this selection may confuse people. Nas is an MC’s, MC. He is so deep and tends to be over the average listener’s head but he made a son backwards, BACKWARDS!!! I mean when him and Jay weer battling he got in Jay-Z’s ass (pause). To me Nas embodies what hip-hop is and stands for. He was able to declare at a time when rap music sucked in 2006 that “Hip-Hop is Dead”. In some ways this still remains true when you have guys the the New Boyz or Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em relevant in rap culture (just my opinion) this is why he is on my list:

Eminem- With you I feel that I don’t have to argue this one, but whenever I mention Eminem in a Top 5 category, a lot of hip-hop heads act like I’ve lost my mind. Eminem is a lyrical beast. What’s funny is that people get caught up in his annoying goofy single and kind of write him off, not realizing that dude goes to work when he hits the booth. Case in point his verse on “Renegade”. Nas said it best when he told Jay, “Eminem murdered you own your shit…” The Marshall Mathers LP is definitely a classic but The Eminem Show is just as good if not better.

Jay-Z- Hands down the “Best Rapper Alive”…sorry Lil Wayne, get your weight up! Like Jay said himself, “What more can I say?” Hate him or love him…he’s your favorite rappers favortie rapper. He can go all across the board with his music. He can give you something to dance to, he can spit rapper threats with the best of them, or he can get introspective. Don’t get me started on homeboys’ punch lines! He said it himself he is a “monster of the double entendre”. Just a quick one liner from Jay I always get a kick out of….”Niggas don’t get the PICTURE til the weapons DRAWN!” Damn! It’s funny that two of the worst Jay-Z albums, “Blueprint 2” and “Kingdom Come” are still better than some rappers BEST albums. Again Jay-Z is that dude.

Now here is my whole look on the Biggie/Tupac issue. The Notorious B.I.G. is my favorite rapper. Even more so than Jay-Z due to the fact that Jay-Z quotes Biggies lines every chance he can get. To me Biggie was a lot more lyrical than ‘Pac ever was. He was hands down a better rapper than 2Pac would have ever been. But don’t get me wrong, I love 2Pac too…I just think that 2Pac was a bigger ICON than biggie. Due to the fact that he was a revolutionary in some respects as well as an accomplished actor…Juice s still one of my favorite movies. The big issue that I have with 2Pac as a rapper is that he tended to be repetitive in the latter years of his career. I don’t know if it was the paranoia or what but he seemed to be saying the same thing over and over. As for Biggie, to me he wasn’t in the rap game long enough to hit a “slump” so it’s kinda unfair that dude had two classic albums. But again like Big said himself, “Biggie Smalls is the illest…”

Blind Items

Good morning world. How have you been since I last spoke to you. Hopefully well and my hope is you are all better people today than you were the last time we spoke (not because of me).

So after my last post I got an overwhelming response of calls and text messages. I was consistantly asked, :What got you all angry?” or “What prompted that blog?”, “Do you really use the N-word that much?” (The answer to that is…gratuitously.) My favorite question by far was, “Do you really hate niggas?” (That answer to that is…sometimes.) After re-reading the post I can see that I may have been a bit harsh…(only a bit). Just to let you all know that wasn’t aimed at any ONE particlar person. Like I say time and time again…these are just my thoughts…right or wrong. As long as I am able to spark healthy conversation then I feel that my goal has been achieved.

But enough about that.

I have nothing in particular to write about today..but I feel like because it is my day off that I should use some of me free and available time to update my blog (because I will be busy with your mother later). So I guess I will use this blog to address “blind items” ( I believe that is the term)

So the NBA Finals are starting this week. Ever since the Cavs were eliminated from the playoffs I have only watched two games since. I watched Orlando’s overtime win and I watched Ron Artest go 2 for 9 and hit a game winner. (Ugh!) I think I will actually watch this years Finals. Though I can’t stand either team, I think that there will be some good basketball played…and as a sports fanatic, you have to respect when a good game is being played. Both teams are different from the last time they met in the Finals. But we will see…so if I had to make a prediction, I’m taking Boston in 6. (I can see all my readers who are Kobe fans smirking right now)

Keeping in the same vein of sports relatedness, my boy posted a video of Lebron James playing hypeman for rapper Drake during a concert in Cleveland. My first thought was, “Nigga (there goes that word again) get your big ass off the stage!” My second thought was, “Shouldn’t you be practicing jump shots or something?!?” and my last thought was, “Do you know where your Mama is?” SMH!

Speaking of Drake, his album “Thank Me Later” leaked. Yup, I downloaded it and no I will not be spending my hard earned money to buy the album. I have given it a quick run through listen and well…is it me or do all of his songs sound EXACTLY the same. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy homeboy’s music but I just got that feeling when I listened to it all the way through. I will give it a few more listens before I pass judgement on it.

On the topic of passing judgement, I am judging those parents who let that fat ass Asian 2 year old smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. WTF!?! I saw that video and was in amazement. You see that little fat bastard do al the twirly tricks with his cancer stick (Not gonna lie, I was kinda impressed) But that kids parents are on one. Like my man Ed Lover would say, “C’mon, son!”

Alright that’s enough from me today…I’m about to go grab some breakfast and spend a the day with a lovely young lady (don’t trip, I’ll be by later to see your mom!)

imdoperthanyou

You Niggas Disgust Me!

“Thirty’s the new twenty…” -Jay-Z (As much as it pains me to say this but…don’t let Jay-Z lie to you like that.)

Listen and listen good, I can’t stand you niggas one bit! Not that I am the spokesperson for all that is decent and right for African Americans but I just felt compelled to speak my mind about “niggas”…no not black people but “niggas”. I’ll admit that I have my own personal “nigga moments” but what I am witnessing on a daily basis disgusts me to no end.

I don’t know what it is going to take, but let me be the proverbial cold, icy water that wakes you out of your walking dead-like slumber. My friend, you are either pushing 30 years old, 40 years old or knocking on both landmark ages. Here is the problem; your mind state is that of an 16-year-old-child.

I just cannot take this anymore. I am disgusted with the state of my generation. When I say “my generation,” I mean the people that are between the ages of 28-42. I know that’s a wide and significantly broad range. In the so-called “Hip-Hop Nation”, we are seeing the 28 and 42 year olds acting about the same. The 28 year old who is still trying to get his struggling rap/producer/video game/gigolo/stripper career off the ground and so is that 40-year-old fool.

When you are approaching 30 or surpassing 40, your priorities should begin to adjust a bit…nah, they should shift a lot! The issue I have with you is you are still trying to live your 2nd, 3rd and 4th childhood and all I can see is a mental midget of an adult. A 28 year old is obviously at liberty to be more free-spirited that somebody that is 42, but something has to click. It is apart of the process of living. When you are 42, there is no way you should have the same mentality as a 28 year old or an 18 year old, but that is what’s happening time and time over.

I see you niggas everyday! You religiously watch BET and MTV, getting your cues about what’s “in” from watching 106 and Park…waiting for AJ and Free to make their triumphant return (Nigga that ship has sailed!) You buy a lot of clothes and a fresh car to present the outward impression that you are “somebody” that has “something.” Letting those things DEFINE you as a person because your self -worth is little to nothing. You “jive talk” to be “down” with the very kids you should be mentoring. You never, ever want to give a woman/man a shot for a committed relationship – even the good ones. You are only looking for a baller-type of man or a woman that looks like she’s a “tip-drill” from a bad rap video.

Sadly, a lot of these people are real rappers that entertain the masses and they often set the tone for you sheepish niggas that I am writing these words for. The rappers are the ones that beef needlessly even though they are safe behind their security detail. They are the ones that write bitch-hoe songs even though they are happily married with kids. They are the ones that live and breathe for money and self-interests. You are a different story, nigga. You typically don’t have happiness, a family or any success to speak of. You have a bottle of some expensive liquor you cannot afford or a weed habit that has suppressed mature ambitions. You barely get by…you are stressed…and you are committed to the vicious cycle.

Nigga you are WACK!

I see you almost every day and you are the norm, it seems. Honestly, I can’t take it much more. I don’t have very many friends, because I have just been utterly disgusted at what has become of some very promising people. People with talent. People who I thought had a good “head on his/her shoulder.” People have seen their possibilities dissipate into a puff of smoke until there was nothing left. In my dreams, I envision the best for you. I envision that you wake up, catch up and we all go hang out. I envision that you will be a positive influence on that 18 year old that has already started to emulate you and your ways. I don’t want you to be me or even let go of the dreams you hold onto so steadfastly. I just want you to wake up. When my alarm clock goes off, I awaken to the reality that I will walk through the day and gaze on an apparent worthless waste of flesh that won’t even leave as much of a footprint upon expiration. (Okay that was kinda harsh!)

That shit’s depressing.

“All his peoples moved on in life, he’s on the corners at night with young dudes it’s them he wanna be like It’s sad but it’s fun to him, right? He never grew up 31 and can’t give his youth, he’s in his second childhood” -Nas

imDOPERthanyou

Hi, hater!

So yesterday I was trying to avoid doing anything at work and I get an unexpected text message.

Maria Thorbourne: My next blog is dedicated to you
Brett Bowers: Oh wow, I’m nervous
Maria Thorbourne: Don’t be nervous. It’s gonna be hilarious

So the said blog never came (nevermind that this text message was sent yesterday afternoon) and my insatiable cusriousity has been running rampant for the past day. So to counter attack counteract I decided to dedicate this one to you Ms. Maria Thorbourne.

I’ve known Maria Thorbourne since I was a sophomore in high school and it’s been one hell of a ride ever since. I would describe our friendship as a very love/hate relationship. If I had to put a tagline on my friendship with Maria it would be: “She loves to hate and I hate to love her.” Some would look at that and be offended or take that negatively but that is the furthest thing from the truth. I say that with the utmost respect and love for ol’ girl. You know how at the end of the year Barbara Walters has a list of the most intriguing people…well if I had to make a list Maria would be on it. (Real talk)

Maria is a hater. Plain and simple. I’m not the only one who comments or feels this way. She describes it as being opinionated or even stating the obvious that the proverbial “we” are too afraid to say. As much as I’d hate to admit it, she is absolutely right. Maria is very quick to give her opinion about any situation and has no qualms about it…sometimes it’s borderline judgemental BUT she always does it in the most clever and thought provoking way. That is the thing that makes Maria special is her sense of wit and her ability to convey that wit in any form of communication (Conversation, text, blog…you name it) I often find myself comparing Maria to someone like Oprah. As annoying as Oprah can be, people listen to what she has to say from books to cooking utensils…if Oprah backs it people will try it. I notice that Maria has that same effect on people. When Maria “endorses” something or tell you to check something out, you feel compelled to investigate because you don’t want to be missing out…or you just want to know what the hell she is talking about.

Remeber earlier when I said I have a love hate relationship with Maria? Well here is why….Maria is honest with me. There are very few times if ever when I could have said that Maria has been fake. I’ll admit sometimes I get on my cocky shit…(hubris…shout out to Jenny-Keith Devries) but Maria is always there to keep my simple ass grounded. I partially think that Maria is only that honest with me because it feeds into her constant need to hate on somebody (ha!). But the thing about Maria is that she has earned my respect as a person over the years and I have always valued her views. Sure most of the times that she is being bluntly honest is when I don’t want to hear it but when have ou ever wanted to hear that you aren’t as cool as you think you are?

I’m gonna keep this short because well…I want to. So here is to you Ms. Thorbourne. If you are drinking something while reading this please put your glass in the air for my long-time friend.

imDOPERthanyou

Baggin’ Saggin’ Barry

Hello world….how’ve you been? Before I go any further with this blog I would like to apologize for the horrible grammatical and spelling errors in my last blog. I was kinda in a rush and spell check was not a high priority. The educated negro that I am was completely embarassed about it, especially after it was brought to my attention (What up Maria!?!) Alright enough of that….

So since the Cavs are out of the playoffs, my TV watching has dramatically decreased. I’ve been working, cupcaking and generally trying to get my life together. Plus a majority of television sucks in my opinion. (Also they cancelled Heroes…WTF!?!?) So to pass the time I was YouTubing old epsiodes of “All That”…if you have no idea what “All That” is please hit Alt+F4 right now. For the six of you that probably just hit Alt+F4…(dummies)…”All That” was the 90’s equivalent to SNL for kids. It aired on Nickolodean on Saturday nights during “SNICK”…it’s where Kennan (from SNL) and Kel (what is he doing now?) got there start. Nick Cannon and Amanda Bines also got their start being featured on the show.

So now that I’ve given you a small background on the show…a regular sketch that was featured on the show was a character called “Baggin’ Saggin’ Barry”. Barry would wear extra large clothes and pull out ridiculous items out of his over sized clothing. When I was a kid this shit was hilarious…as an adult…not so much. But I digress…watching this sketch made me think of fashion and how much it’s changed and how drastically. The “Baggin’ Saggin’ Barry” sketch was poking fun of the fact that in the 90’s we were rockin’ over sized everything. I mean I personally can say that if it wasn’t 3XL I wasn’t rockin’ it. My pants would hang half way down my ass and belt was optional. I laugh when I think about getting in trouble for saggin my pants… or how I would wait til’ after I got dropped off to loosen up my belt and go about my day. (Good times!) I mean when we hit the 2000’s the clothes weren’t as baggy but loose fitting. I look at kids today and their extra smedium shirts, their nut suffocating pants, and over sized fitted caps. I just dont get it. Maybe I’m not supposed to get. I’m 27 years old…..I will be damned if I try to fit my big ass in some skinny jeans. Really…if I just rolled up in some damn skinny jeans you’d laugh…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the skinny and undersized movement, but it’s not for me. I think it’s when I observe things like this and comment on them is that I feel that I’m getting old. In the same way I’m sure when I was a 16 year old kid rocking a throw back jersey, some shorts long enough to be pants, with three head bands on (yeah, I was that wack!) that someone observed me and wondered to themselves, “Is this what the world’s coming to? I’m too old for this shit!”

I’m gonna keep it short and sweet today world. Have a great day….til next time.

imDOPERthanyou